Tis that time of year again, where this witch’s email in-box begins filling up with love spell requests, as well as such requests and questions about love spells increase on some online forums I frequent. With Valentine’s Day now less than two weeks away, perhaps combined with some cases of mid-winter blues, there seems to be a larger number of lonely hearts looking for love posting/emailing such requests this year than I’ve seen in the past.
I’ve never been one to give generic cut & paste answers before, but trying to answer all of the requests individually as of late is beginning to take more of my time and energy away from other projects I wish to focus on. So here I will share my thoughts, experiences, and advice on this matter for all to read.
Love – it’s a human condition that we all crave and desire love and affection from another person. When we are young, we rely on our families for this. But when we are older, we look for that special someone to share our love and our lives with. Some find that person easily enough, but for most, finding “Mr. or Miss Right” takes quite a long time…we suffer through bouts of loneliness, self-esteem issues and frustration when we go through failed relationship after failed relationship, and sometimes we grow impatient and want to help speed up the process of finding that “true love” or “soul mate”.
The majority of love spell requests I see and receive are either of the following two types: 1. To cast a love spell on a particular person of interest to the seeker. 2. To bring an ex back into the seeker’s life and rekindle the relationship. These are where I will focus.
In my early days of witchcraft, I came across this witch who was insistent on getting this one guy into her life. Apparently conventional methods of attracting him were not producing the desired results, or at least not fast enough for her, and she resorted to casting a love spell on him. When she cast the spell, she made a sort of charm bag that she buried in the earth in a clearing in the woods – this is an important piece of the story that we’ll come back to later.
To make a long story shorter…the guy and this witch dated and ended up getting married. So you may think, the love spell worked and all is hunky-dory now, yes? Not so fast.
Soon after settling into their life together as husband and wife, the guy began mentally and physically abusing this gal. She then tried every mundane and magical thing she could think of to try to get the guy out of her life for good.
(I’ll spare many of the details – you can look up just about any story of abusive/controlling relationships and get an idea of what this gal ended up going through.) In a desperate attempt to break the bondage of the spell, she returned to where she had buried her charm bag thinking she was going to dig it up and burn it. Alas, the woods and that clearing were no longer there – a condo complex and a golf course had been built in that location. I lost track of her story after this so I have no idea what the absolute end result was…for all I know, he could have beaten her to death…but I didn’t hear this, so I’ve assumed, and hoped, that she had to “disappear” – change her identity and move far away in order to survive. Either way, her life as she knew it before casting her spell was lost forever.
Now…there are two possibilities here. 1. The guy was prone to be an abuser all along, and the girl, blinded by her infatuation with him, did not take the time to get to know him well enough to have made an informed decision that he was the right one for her. 2. Perhaps he wasn’t already a controlling abusive type of person. But deep down, the guy had no desire of his own to be with her, his true subconscious desires fought the effects of the spell, and without consciously understanding why, this caused him to be angry, resentful, and outright violent to her.
Fast forward to today. In my 15 years of being a practicing witch, I’ve lost track over the years of how many folks (mostly young ladies) have come to me and/or my fellow witches claiming something to the tune of, “I cast a love spell on this guy, now he won’t leave me alone at all, and he’s really being a jerk! How do I reverse it?”
Casting a spell is taking an action…influencing energies and setting them in motion to manifest something. I compare to shooting a gun – once you’ve pulled the trigger, you can NOT make the bullet stop mid-air and return to the barrel. It is going to hit something.
And here’s a news flash folks – sometimes when you cast a spell – you get exactly what you asked for. So, now you got the guy that you commanded to be hopelessly in love with you. He is under the impression that he is crazy obsessed with you (and he’s acting on it), and now you don’t want him anymore? Then why did you cast the darn spell in the first place?
Then we move on to those asking for love spells to bring an ex back into a relationship with them. Here are some things to consider.
Why did the relationship fail the first time around? We can love someone, and still not be compatible enough with them to be able to continue to live in harmony together. As a friend said to me earlier when I discussed this with him (and I paraphrase) – ”if both of you sat down and wrote out a list of what worked and what didn’t work in your relationship, you would likely find that loving each other wasn’t the problem…but all the little idiosyncrasies were.”
As an example, one of my ex’s – great guy, loved him dearly and still think fondly of him several years after our relationship came to an end. But – he was content to sit home zoning out in front of the TV every single night, without us conversing with each other, never doing anything different like finding some hobby that we could learn and share together and skipping the spacing out watching TV some nights. When we were off work on weekends, I wanted to be out in the world doing things – taking day trips, hiking, exploring, socializing with other people, whatever - he did not share these desires with me. I was going nuts – the total lack of stimulation to my mind and my senses…I couldn’t live like that…there was so much more I wanted to do with my life. We came to an understanding that neither of us were going to change these major things about ourselves, and trying to stay together was only causing us each grief, as every other “little thing” started building up and becoming annoying and stressful. We moved on with our own lives. Had I not “let go” when it was time – I would have missed out on so many wonderful opportunities and experiences that I’ve had since.
Have the issues that caused your relationship to fail in the first place been resolved? Does your ex even want to get back together and try it again? If no, then what makes you think a love spell is going to fix all this? (hint – it won’t.) Perhaps it is time for you to heal, and move on with your life, so that you will be open to finding the person that you will be compatible with, that will love you unconditionally.
To both types of love spell requests, I ask that the seekers have more respect for themselves, and hold out for real love. Love cannot be forced. As such, these types of targeted love spells tend to backfire on the seeker, and most often, all involved only end up getting hurt.
Aside from that, without going into a whole detailed lecture on ethics, when considering casting a love spell on another person, ask yourself if you would want the same done to you. Picture a guy/girl that you know whom you absolutely would not want to live with – would you be okay with that person casting a love spell on you, bonding you to him/her with magic? Remember the old “Golden Rule” – Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself.
And if you still insist on casting such a spell (which I do NOT recommend), then you best be prepared to accept the responsibility for and consequences of your actions. There is a darn good reason experienced witches often warn students and spell seekers to “be careful what you wish for!” (You may just get it, and then realize that it’s not what you wanted at all!)
Some key ingredients to a happy and healthy relationship are communication, trust, and mutual respect. Attempting to force someone against their will to be with you doesn’t scream trust, and it certainly doesn’t imply that you have a lot of respect for that person.
The bottom line here is that the only person you can have full control over is yourself. Ultimately, we are each responsible for our own happiness. For any loving relationship to work out well – both partners have to be happy with themselves first. You have to be happy with who you are as an individual, content with being on your own and keeping yourself entertained. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my past relationships – if you don’t love yourself, if you aren’t happy with your life and who you are as a person – no other person can fix that for you or give that to you.
“For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.”
Blessings,
Crystal
